Karwa chauth for husband, rakhi/bhai dooj for bhai, ashtami for children. Is there something for wives/sisters/mothers?

If you are a Hindu woman, you are bestowed with a very important role, to take care of your family. You are supposed to keep fast for karwa chauth for husband, ashtami fast for children, tie rakhi to bhai for their well being. Is there any fast for well being and longevity of wife, sister or mother? Or is this the privilege exclusively available to the male community, again thanks to our patriarchal society? Does this logic says that it is the male community which needs protection?

Alas! statistics says otherwise. Right from female foeticide to crime against women, it is the women who are vulnerable and need protection spell, if any.  Going by that logic, in the contemporary world, it should be the responsibility of man to keep their woman safe.

For those who dont know karwa Chauth, it a North Indian festival in which married women will fast from before sunrise till she can see the moon that night. And unfortunately, if moon is not visible then the fast will continue the other day. Absolutely no water or food is taken at this time.  Lets check the utility of this fast. If at all, it had some substance, women dont need to divorce her husband if they develop hatred towards them. They would just cheat while fasting to reduce his age. Or if a husband is diagnosed with kidney failure or blood requirement, instead of arranging for new kidney or blood, the wife can go for fasting. Jokes apart, as per scientific studies, intermittent fasting can be disastrous for a woman's hormones, causing things such as reproductive issues and may worsen other pre-existing health conditions.

By not having a drop of water, I am opening myself to dehydration. Without any food, I am stressing my body. Does my husband's life carry more value than my own?  I hope its not. Moreover it totally defies logic and science. How would my eating less will make my husband live longer. Though there is concept of one soul after marriage(do jism ek jaan), yet the bodies would remain separate.  And even if it works in some hypothetical world, shouldn't it be the two way process? Isn't this tradition against the concept of gender equality? Shouldn't husbands also show reciprocity?

Then there is another kind of fast to get a good husband- Solah (16) Somvar, (as if there is no need of a good wife). Again by logic, the sex ratio says otherwise.  Increasingly, the average age of unmarried boys is increasing because of skewed sex ratio. Bride money is taking the place of dowry. Shouldn't the guys take note of this serious issue and start fasting?

Then, many of the mothers keep fast of Asthami for their children's well being. Doesn't this also goes against the common sense. Mother being more aged than her children needs protection from health hazards and age hazards. Shouldn't children fast for their mother?

Disclaimer: In principle, I am not against any religion or associated faith of fasting. People have different reasons behind fasting, including health reasons(cleansing of toxics), family legacy and minimalistic living etc, and I respect them all. I am just against the notion of stereotyping of the fasts against a particular section of society, i.e., women.

Tax privilege to India's privileged

Why do people fall for greed, amass lot of power and wealth, engage in corruption? There are many reasons including poverty and opportunity, lack of ethical standards, competition for resources, poor deterrence and misuse of discretionary powers. However, I would like to draw your attention to lesser known and acknowledged reason - willingness to provide the cushion to the future generations. As widely known in India, "sat pidiyo ka sochna padta h ( we have to think for our seven generations while earning and making any substantial decision)". Given our present status of social security, there is always an urge to save for the future generation. This urge results in Dynasty politics, skewed ownership of resources and inequality of opportunity. The Rich becomes richer, poor becomes poorer.

विरासत की कुर्सी पे राज करते हैं ||

फिर भी खुद पे नाज़ करते हैं ||

Today, we shall discuss about inheritance and feasibility of taxation on inheritance. First lets understand, what is inheritance? An inheritance is money or property which you receive from someone who has died. Inherently, it is a birth right, however its morality and sustainability can often be questioned. Allowing privileged families to concentrate property ownership and thus deny the prospect to others is not justified. It creates an unfair hierarchy of the resources which further undermines the legitimacy of the very idea of property. Earth has given to all men and women equal means. So exclusively privileging some of God's children with inherited property and not others seems to be morally wrong.

The recent work of Thomas Piketty, Capital in the Twenty First century highlights that the inherited wealth grows faster than overall output and income and furthers the inequality. What might the possible way out then? Depriving of the inheritance rights might create chaos in further distribution of inherited wealth. Taxation seems to be fair way out - specially the progressive one.

Further, tax is the price we pay for civilization and progressive taxation acts as a balancing force. Inheritance tax is a tax that is levied against a particular asset during the time of its inheritance. 

Firstly, I want to be clear that inheritance tax is not at all related to death tax, so it hardly can be criticized in the name of "no taxation without representation".  It is a tax on the recipient of the income , the lucky winner chosen by the lottery of birth.

Neither there is a concern for double taxation. Its similar to the sales tax which is paid out of the income which has already being taxed.

There are number of arguments for inheritance taxes:

• Firstly, they promote fairness and equality. It is morally legitimate, as the heirs have rarely done anything to deserve the money that comes their way. 
• Secondly, they are going to definitely fill up the Government coffers and increase the tax base and in turn overall tax revenue.
• Thirdly, parents would focus on increasing the capability by investing in children's educational and social skills, rather than spoon feeding with the silver spoon. They would hardly prefer a depreciating lump sum package over a self sustainable skill set to their children.
• The parents who choose to leave a truckload of money for their successors, tempts them to lead an unproductive life with the easygoing money they already have access to. There are numerous examples of such rich brats. Studies have revealed that easy access to unearned wealth destroys the incentive to work and to experiment - one of the reasons the wiser among the super-wealthy are generally careful to limit the money they leave to their children and make them financially prudent by themselves
• It would further reduce the gender divide. Since  in a country like India, inheritance rights are still limited despite having all the laws in place
• they are progressive in nature, hardly hurting the lower rung of society. Its in the nature of direct taxes, which is supposed to increased for a developing economy
• This might be a potential stimulant for the economy. If people know that they have to pay taxes with exorbitant rates on their money to be left behind. they’ll be more likely to spend it when they’re  alive.
•  In fact, inheritance tax is a life saving tax: it promotes social mobility, uniformizes the opportunity, limits the inherited advantage, redistributes wealth
• It would definitely reduce the greed to earn more and more and save more and more for future generation. The distinction between luxury of oneself and luxury of future generations bridles more corruption
• Last but not least, more property would have to be sold while inheriting to pay the tax. It might ease the house-price inflation and giving people the chance to buy property by having higher liquidity

Its interesting to note that inheritance tax, which was known in India as ‘estate duty’ and is imposed on the property passed to an heir, was brought in effect in 1953 and abolished by the Rajiv Gandhi government in 1985 as it failed to reduce wealth inequality.

International scenario

Estate duty or inheritance tax is there in most of the developed countries like US, UK, Japan, France etc. and the taxes in these countries are as high as 50-55%. Countries such as the UK and the US already have inheritance tax in place. In fact, the US has three types of taxes on estates/assets being passed on to the next generation, which are, Gift Tax, Estate Tax and Inheritance Tax. 

However, these countries have a structured social security and retirement plan in place. 

Which safeguards to be kept in mind while implementing it?

No policy can be without its potential shortcomings, loopholes and disadvantages. We need to analyze it from Indian angle too.

Rich/HNI always get their own way, its necessary to plug those loopholes. The threshold can be kept higher(more than 10 crores) and reasonable tax rates so as to prevent the burden on the middle class. The implementation can come in phases. There should be robust mechanism which can be used to validate the real asset holdings. Digitisation of property, pan coverage of such records is necessary for that.

Those countries who have kept in place this system, have robust social security system. Indian concept of Hindu undivided family is the only existing full proof social security as on date. Indian government should think about this pressure on individual against the future uncertainty. Robust social security system is the demand of time

There is the risk that heirs will be forced to sell homes as soon as inheritance happens. It can be mitigated by allowing them other channels to pay the taxes gradually rather than by immediate sale.

This transition should be smooth and step by step so as to accommodate the upheavals which may result. Target the wealthy by setting a meaningful exemption threshold. Second, close loopholes for those who are caught in the net by setting a flat rate. With the revenue generated by higher inheritance tax, reduce other taxes like surcharges and cesses.

However, since the politics trumps economics mostly. This economic measure has to make its way out after passing through many tests- and a strong will for redistribution of wealth is needed for the same.

Selfie Mene Leli Aaj

A Few days ago, I got an opportunity to witness the Russian dance performance, Swan Lake Ballet at the JLN stadium. Luckily and coincidentally, Sharmila Tagore was sitting in the row next to mine. Instead of approaching her and talking about her movie "Chupke Chupke"(one of my favorite), my first reaction was to confirm that she is Sharmila Tagore, and the next was to click a selfie which  turns out to be like this :D

True that, In the culture focused on “self,” “self-ies” have become so popular.

Once back home, I researched on internet about this behavior. And a term I found was Selfitis, which means obsession of taking selfies on smartphones. As per the article published in Business standard, it  may be a real disorder that requires treatment. As per the study by Nottingham Trent University in the UK and the Thiagarajar School of Management(TSM) in Tamil Nadu in 2014 claiming 'selfitis' had been classed as a genuine mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association. India was chosen since there are highest number of facebook users. They have now confirmed the existence of this disorder and developed the 'Selfitis Behaviour Scale'.

As per this scale, six motivating factors were identified, with selfitis sufferers typically seeking to increase their self-confidence, seek attention, improve their mood, connect with the environment around them (to create a record of memories), increase their conformity with the social group around them, as well as being socially competitiveness.

These reasons worked out in the study cover more or less all the possibilities.

Probably, selfies are a reflection of the contemporary culture which has made people self-obsessed. We have a Prime Minister who himself has promoted this culture, validation from the high echelons. And we Indians especially the youth have definitely taken him as our role model in the instant case. Selfie diplomacy has reached another level in the global arena. On another positive note, under the head of Beti Bachao Beti Padao, selfie with daughter in Haryana has taken a great stride. On similar lines, Delhi based NGO Save Indian Family launched "selfie with father" campaign to bring together children from broken families and the fathers.

But personally, I think, Selfie has micro contribution in capturing the view behind except focusing on some zoomed-in faces.  The advantage of this phenomenal invention of 21st century is that – you don’t need to request someone else to click your own picture. Everyone of us must have experienced requests at some tourist spot from a couple or a group of people to click a photo. Thanks to selfie, these impositions have declined drastically.

Many of the remarkable days like Father's day, mother's day, Valentines day use selfie as the platform for demonstrating their celebration.

The market has not taken the risk to lose the consumer base by ignoring these trends. The technological developments in selfie camera are way faster than in the rear camera.  Selfie camera comes with variety of beautification, flash features. Roadside shops which earlier used to sell charger, cable, earphones are full of  Selfie sticks now. Social media websites have launched various selfie variants to satisfy the consumer base with the pleasure of self appreciation. Facebook selfie frames, google hangout features, beautify app, and whatsapp emojis are a few of the examples.

Why has there been a craze amongst people since its advent?
No offence, but we humans by nature are self obsessed and narcissists of different degrees. Its more than admiring oneself. We want to be loved and accepted. When we post a selfie for the world to see, we eagerly await for the likes and comments and admiration to pop up from friends or any other digital soul. 

We want to matter. We want these digital souls to think that “wow, that person has an exciting life".

A few people also blame "peer pressure"  to post selfies. And some follow the popular belief that if there is no picture of an event or experience, it did not really happen.

Last but most importantly, we want connection. Connection with the moment, connection with the person, connection with the object, we want to label and timestamp that memory.

These selfie lovers, enjoy the instant-fame and the notional happiness from the likes & comments they get from the digital world, without knowing that it is just a mirage – as good as optical illusion.

So, What's wrong with this generations' entertainment self validation tool?

At times the concept of taking a selfie becomes crazy and pointless when people use this technology to click photos where they should not be clicking them. A person is drowning in a pond and people are taking selfies with the injured instead of helping him out. As if, there is some attendance going on, that you witnessed that incident. Few years back, a person accidently got into the Tiger's cage in Delhi zoo, many of the videos circulated over internet were selfie videos. Many accidents are happening while taking selfies. As per a study, India has the highest number of selfie related deaths, 60% of all "selfie deaths". 

Not just that, people keep clicking pictures until they are satisfied with the result. They are satisfied once they feel its perfect. But when their definition of perfect does not fit the real picture it only increases their pressure and stress.

Has this problem been recognized?

Yes, the Ministry of Tourism, Govt. of India, has advised all states and union territories to identify tourist attractions, which are prone to accidents and erect signs warning visitors of the dangers involved in taking selfies at such  spots. Clicking a selfie at ‘Sunset point’ or ‘Echo point’ or ‘Suicide point’ is a bad idea. The Govt. wants to prevent incidents by setting up “Selfie Danger ones” or “Selfie Restriction Zones” at tourist sight-seeing locations. There are many devices in line which gives selfie alert sensing the probability of danger zone based on height, depth etc. The most important thing is sanity while becoming technology addict. There is no need to stop the habit, it’s a fun activity. But we should where to draw the lines. If you want to be happy with the admiration, likes on social media, you should live long to enjoy that. And to live long, you should keep creativity tamed.

Be a responsible clicker, Happy Selfies!

Benefit of doubt

A human being is inherently good at heart who wont do any harm to others. When we judge someone, we assume act of omission or commission on the part of the other person and began doubting their intention and unknowingly create grudges. This creates distance in relations. Being a social animal, it should worry us because we jeopardize so many relations on daily basis. An easy way out is: always give benefit of doubt even to your enemy, don’t just assume some/other thing. Whatever he/she is doing has some reason, whatever he/she is has a story behind it. Even in worse conditions, always try to lean towards a favorable view of someone.

Whatever said above, it doesn’t imply that human doesn’t make mistakes, "Being human is to err". We as a human being has a tendency to paint a person on the basis of his/her past mistakes and justify it by saying "Once bitten twice shy". Again, we are seizing away the opportunity from that person to come clean in future. May be that is the reason human being is not inclined to make honest admissions of his mistake which further spreads distrust. Because deep down inside he/she has fear of being judged. This results in wall of secrecy even in very close relations.

This further deteriorates if the person who is judging is part of larger gossip club because then he is imposing his perception on others too. And again being the same human and tendency to assume it to be true, others also form opinion. And the cycle goes on.

Don’t judge people because indirectly it means you are denying what you are not by putting that blame on others. Also, some day you can be in their place too. Better, you treat everyone the way you want them to treat you.

Forgive and forget and start with a new beginning each and every time there is a downturn.

f(t): Function of Time

Time is the best yet most strict teacher in life. Its value lies in its irreversibility.

Every moment, every event, every feeling, to be more general every thing is a function of time. Earth is a function of time resulting in a habitable place. Geo morphological phenomena is a function of time resulting in changing landscape. A river makes its way through hardest of the hard rocks with the power of time. All the mathematical equations are function of time talking about ΔT. All economics studies on comparative figures are based on time. 

Pick a subject, and you can attribute its essence in time.

Healing is also a function of time. A relation develops and deteriorates over time. Emotions fade in and fade out over the time.

Time is something God has granted to everyone without any discrimination leaving the discretion to us what to do with that. Life is made up of time, smallest unit being moment.  Good times, bad times are just the labeling of a phase. In reality, time is the most unbiased and neutral entity.

Right time is the key to achieving any goal. When a person is on death bed, the only thing he regrets is "Had I done this at that time, I would have been happy".  If you play around time, it will hit you like anything at some other time.

Indeed, time is a fourth dimension, present in every tangible and intangible object. It explains why should we write date and time on the top of any page, why diaries can be a beautiful gift to someone, why to make timetable before planning something big. Time indeed has a wonderful way to show what really matters. 

I will try my best to give respect to time which is an incredible inspiration to everyone. 

I am happy without kids!!

Today is  Sushma's last day at her office. She is a 32 years old, Senior manager in Tech Mahindra and a seemingly successful woman by all standards of the society.

Farewell scene with her two friends Radhika and Maya:

Radhika: Hey Sushma, congrats buddie for your promotion.. You are probably gonna be the VP of the company by next year, right?

Sushma: think so yaar. But not sure, I am planning to move to Jalandhar, may be I have to quit this job before that. My in laws and Sumit are expecting us to have a baby. Sumit has joint family there, it will be easy to take care of me and our baby.

Radhika: What are you talking about? Are you sure, you want to leave this job?

Maya: Are you stupid? Don’t take it otherwise, but kids are just like parasites. Your whole life will revolve around them. You wont be able to roam around. His childhood, his career, his dreams are soon gonna replace yours. Come on dearie, your career has just started to take new heights, and you are ruining it at this crucial stage.

Radhika: See, We are not asking you to not have a baby, delay it for some time.

Sushma: I don’t think I have many choices here, becoming a mother is a magical feeling and moreover I am 30+. I think I should be ready for this now.

Maya: As you wish, don’t regret after 10 years, when I will be the CEO of some company and you would be worrying about the mathematics exam of your kid :D

Three of them started giggling. But the question they raised truly presents one glimpse of thoughts of this generation.

Today, I am writing about a recent trend in the thinking of the new generation. Here, I am ignoring the emotional aspect while talking from a logical and practical point of view.

Conventionally, kids are considered so adorable, lovable and innocent that they become the quintessential part of life after a certain point of time. But in recent times, this necessity is turning into convenience and becoming a well informed decision. For example, many developed countries are facing "no baby boom", where even their replacement levels has shown negative growth like Japan, Germany etc. In India  also, there is a chunk of youth for whom 35 has become new 30 to get married and kids are becoming optional due to delayed marriages or choices.

I have discussed few of the reasons behind this trend in this post.

One reason could be the change in mindset of the present generation. This generation is the generation that "refuses to grow up". Facebook connectivity has brought teenager characteristics into all the generations people specially 25 to 35 group. On a lighter note, they don’t want to be called as uncle or aunty. This shift in mindset is visible  in various forms.

Present youth loves travelling, thrill and adventure. They see kids as the hindrance to their freedom. They prefer to spend their dynamic period of 30 to 35 in fulfilling personal aspirations than meeting family expectations. Career, freedom, fun, independence are their equal priorities along with the conventional responsibilities.

While earlier generation used to consider kids as a medium to increase bond between a couple. Today, many couples fight after becoming parents because they have the grievance that they do not go out as a “couple” instead of “Parents”. For them, child comes as liability at a crucial juncture point. They are not ready to raise a child either mentally, or economically or physically. Parenting is a sudden turning point for them.

Also in the current generation, working parents and long distance jobs are the norms. For them, specially mother, its very difficult to raise a child alone. In previous generations, joint family was a boon in this regard. This advantage is not more with the present generation where metros have become "karmabhoomi" which is far from their "Janambhoomi".

In general, Women suffers a lot in practical life in due course. They face difficulty in coming back after maternity period. In unorganized sector, it is worse. Many organization have provisions for limited leave period while others put barriers on their career growth in one or other forms, eg, pregnant women are not allowed to get on foreign attachments. Getting back with their colleagues after a long break become difficult. As per a survey, 25-27% women leave jobs after they bear a child.

There has been a wider discussion over gender justice and equality. But in true sense, Parenthood responsibility is not yet shared equally. Apart from natural barriers, there are mental barriers that a woman can take care of child in a better way while father has limited role. Even the laws favor the same. In the recent bill to  liberalize maternity leave, there is no mention of paternal leave. The quantum of leave is also different even after the pregnancy period. Childhood is still closely linked with motherhood than fatherhood.

Last but not the least, one reason is that with increasing globalization and consumerism, children are added liability in terms of expenditure. The newly imbibed individualism has decreased the craze for carrying further the generations for the same reason. People are thinking rationally and in a more evolving way. They have their personal aspirations to maintain a child within themselves which they consider to be compromised once they have kids and their responsibilities.

Apart from these general reasons, there are personal preferences. One of our senior Professor(50 years old) didn’t has kids, and when I inquired and came to know about this, I felt sorry for him. His reply on my sorry statement gave me a new perspective of people regarding the subject, "In day to day life, I meet my friends and relatives and find them very disturbed because of their children's deeds like studies, bad habits. Some complains that their children doesn’t take care of them while some who stays with them have grievances of bad treatment. At least I m happy, free from expectations and anxiety I may have if I had children."

This trend may make our demographic pyramid similar to developed countries.

The Perfect Man- Another Rare species

In continuation to my previous post- Good girl: A rare species , here is another bucket of expectation for another half section of the world: The Man.

1. 1. Mard ko dard ni hota: A good boy should know how to control his emotions all the time. Being emotional is the prerogative of women. He should know how to fight, otherwise he will be considered as a girl wearing bangles " hathh wich chudiya pehndi h kya". Be a man, dude.
   2. All men are dogs: generalization hurt them most which sometimes make them least trustworthy
   3. Are you a Momma's boy or a joru ka gulam? He has to strike a very fine balance throughout his life by juggling in between
   4. If you want to marry a suitable girl, either you should be Einstein, i.e., lucrative career or you should be born with a silver spoon, i.e rich enough to impress upon your life partner and to carry forward your love story.
   5. How can he earn less than his other half: Not necessary his ego is pressurizing him but the society for sure.
   6. List of husband material is not that short: strong and soft at the same time.
   7. Centre of the family unit while maintaining work life balance
   Boss: These files should get compiled by tomorrow
   Ma: Beta, Ghootno me soojan h jaldi aa (Son, my knees are swelled up, come fast)
   Wife: what have you brought on our 10th wedding anniversary
   8. "Ladies first" syndrome dealing with the pseudo feminists
   9. He should always buy coffee/dinner/gift for his lady for his family, as if his wallet has some self generating capacity
   10. Boy should propose first (this rule is written in holy books). A man who cant make her girl laugh doesn’t deserve her. He should be tall, dark and handsome or chocolaty boy. He should be good at sports, dance, romance, guitar. And O boy, how dare you judging me by my looks?
   11. Additional responsibilities are always on his head by default: running the business of family, present on funeral (chita nu aag kon dega), ghar ka chirag, Aankho ka tara(apple of the eye), Bhudaape ka sahara
   12. Even in legal arena his capacity is defined- A man cannot nurture a child hence the most of the decisions go in favor of women in case of judicial separation. Neither anyone questions the moral and legal duties of a man to pay maintenance and alimony to a working wife during separation. At what level the misuse of 498A of IPC is going on.
   We have to admit that in the present setup even men also face discrimination and it will be utterly foolish to consider that they are the only privileged one because of their sex.
   While the feminist wave has certainly defined new roles for women as a breadwinner instead of traditional cook, but no such wave has taken birth to let a man be emotional enough to express himself.